You might wonder why I did it. And I won’t pretend my reasons weren’t selfish.
You made the ranking in your head, didn’t you? Every person in this place ranked on a scale of how ethical it would be to sacrifice them.
Obviously the mothers, fathers, guardians are off limits.
The partners, spouses… would be missed by their partners.
We can’t sacrifice the young. Such hope for their future.
Nor the old, because they deserve respect.
That leaves people like me. Not children anymore. Not old enough to have proven themselves worthy to be saved. Alone. No one to miss and missed by no one.
I know you made the ranking because I did the same thing when I found out, and came to the same conclusion. I’m expendable. No added value from me.
Can you blame me for not graceously accepting my death as a Less Important Person, just because of how I am?
Have we evolved as a species from forced marriage for monetary reasons to forced marriage bc otherwise you’re seen as the dead meat of society. The surplus. Only there as a place holder until people with actual purpose come along.
I regret the deaths. I have mourned the deaths. Do not misjudge me as someone without a conscious. I just… don’t want to die.
I don’t regret the system I set up to avoid it.
Within these walls, your added value doesn’t mean anything. If chance chooses you… you will be It’s sustenance for the time. You will be forgotten the moment it clasps It’s jaws around you, anyway. I made sure of that.
No one will miss you.
In the same way no one will miss me when chance calls my name.